I decided the reason my presidential campaign never got off the ground during the last presidential election was because I never had a slogan. For this campaign I will not make that mistake again. I took immediate action to find a slogan.

Being a direct mail and mail order marketer I realize that any such slogan must be tested to see if it is effective. One trick we use is this: We steal other peoples headlines and slogans if they fit our situation.

The fact of the matter is that I needed a proven slogan; one that had actually gotten somebody elected to President of these United States. I decided to steal President Eisenhowers slogan: I shall go to Korea!

Ike never said what he would do once he got to Korea.

Im sure it was not what I was doing in Korea in 1951-1952 which was dodging Chinese artillery and mortar shells.

Maybe if Ike had used the words I will go to Korea! somebody would have asked him what he would do there. Shall left no doubt in anybodys mind that Ike would nuke North Korea and Manchuria to boot!

In advertising you dont want to tell the reader of your slogan too much. Read some history about Ike and his slogan at http://tinyurl.com/mc2ot

Ikes opponent was the very bright Adlai Stevenson from Illinois. Adlai was an elegant speaker. Unfortunately he used big words that most Americans had never heard before.

Here is what Adlai said in his acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention: None of you, my friends, can wholly appreciate what is in my heart. I can only hope that you understand my words.

So he knew he had a problem. Read his speech at http://tinyurl.com/mjub7 Of course hardly anyone understood his words or his deep thoughts. He may as well have been talking to a pile of cucumbers.

Ike supporters wore badges that said, I like Ike!

Well, the fact did not help Adlai that even those of us who understood Adlai Stevensons speeches and voted for him, actually liked Ike.

My dad was a county commissioner in Utah and President of the Democratic Sage Brush Club. He lost his reelection because of the Eisenhower Landslide. He got more votes than any other Utah Democrat but that didnt help. Eisenhower took more electoral votes than any man in history. Even the Democratic South voted for him. See http://tinyurl.com/9xqqc

Adlai Stevenson was the antithesis of our current President Bush. He would have made a great president if someone other than me had voted for him. I knew that he would lose the election. I voted for him so he wouldnt look unqualified to be President.

I didnt have to do that for President Bush.

Anyway, Ive got to get out of here. The postman just brought my 2 1/4" Bench Press Button Maker System. Those of you campaigning for my election can find a button maker on the Internet. Make sure you buy a big supply of blanks to go with it.

Here is what each button (badge) should say: I like Taylor Jones, the hack writer!

Also make some buttons that say: Taylor Jones, the hack writer, Shall Go To Korea!

You might have to get a bigger button maker for that.

Well, just make some buttons that say:Send Jones to Korea!.

That will have Kim Doo-bong (1948-1957) and Choi Yong-kun (1957-1972) rolling over in their graves, and Kim Il-sung (since 1972) will be shivering in his rocket-propelled nuclear boots.