My friend Carmen Sutra and I were having tea before the band came on at "The Witches Brew." Out of the blue she asked, "Have you ever read any of those on-line sex surveys?" Carmen has a lovely New Delhi accent and the kind of voice that would make almost any man say yes, but I said "No, should I?"

"Oh, yes! You would be surprised at what many men and women would say yes to--toys, threesomes, moonlit beaches--its all there." I asked her how this could be when there were so many lonely people in the world. Her eyes sparkles and she said, "Its all in the asking! For example, Im basically a nice Hindu girl, but you know, we practically invented sex." I tried not to think about the beautiful Carmen Sutra in dozens of sexual positions. Instead, I asked her to continue. "Some men wont ask me to do anything because they think they already know the answer. Other men will ask me for everything, even things they dont really want to do." She folded her arms. "Either way, they lose. I can see right through all that, and so can most of my friends."

I reminded Carmen how slow I am about these issues, and she summed it up this way: "Everything is possible, you know, so your partner may surprise you and say yes. Your partner is always free to say no, and if you can accept no gracefully, she may let you ask for something else." She took a sip of tea. "Finally," she said, "ask from your heart. Do not invite her to bed when your deepest desire is to walk barefoot on the beach with her. Ask for things that you see her doing in here." She touched me on the forehead. "If your readers will just learn to ask nicely, I think they will be pleasantly surprised."