Running is not just about getting your body to move. Yes, the body mechanics required to run are pretty miraculous upon examination the force with which your feet strike the ground, the exchange of Oxygen and Carbon dioxide that fuels your muscles and lungs, the strength of the abdominal muscles that keep you upright, yes, it is all quite amazing. But none of that matters if your mind is not participating. Today I learned that. I ran but it wasnt long enough, far enough or fast enough. I failed to meet my training goal not because my body had betrayed me, this time my mind was the culprit. Usually I can run through pain, illness, depression, stress and a host of other minor woes. I live by the saying its mind over matter, if you dont mind it wont matter. But today, I minded, and it mattered.

For those who do not run, it may be hard to grasp how a 6 mile run could be logged as a failure. Well, if I were scheduled to run 6 miles, it would be fine but I was scheduled to run 18. Six is only 1/3 of the goal not even halfway there. My head would not allow it, not today. You see for those tough times in life it is sometimes sheer mind power that gets you through. Because when you really think about it, are we ever tough enough for most of the things that come our way. Mental strength is what pushes us past where we would have stopped. It usually serves me well but todaytoday I just ran out of reserves. I am spent, too spent to cry, scream or even feel. I am numb, running would have helped. I wanted to run long, hard, fast. I wanted to run longer than 18 miles.

I wanted to run until I felt pain or had run through it, but my mind kept saying not today. Tomorrow would have been my 13th wedding anniversary. It would have been if my husband had not gone and died three years ago. Mental strength did not get me through that one, faith did. Today I was short on both. Or maybe it was tougher to stop when my heart, mind and body were not operating as one. Maybe I was only supposed to run 6 miles because Ive been working non-stop for a month and ignoring aches and pains. Maybe my heart pain was too big today and my body needed to rest. I dont know. I suppose Ill never know. I do know that this too shall pass. Thankfully, this is not the last run that Ill make and certainly not the last failure I will have. As long as Im alive, I have the opportunity to run, sometimes fast, sometimes long, and sometimes badly but that is after all what life is all about.