We have a relationship with everything in life. We have family, friendship, romantic and business relationships. Basically anything or anyone we come in contact with weve developed a relationship with whether its a positive one or not. Our personal, professional, family and friends are the most important relationships we will ever have. Within these relationships who do you tend to trust the most? We dont trust everyone we come into contact with but there are some we trust more than others. How do you decide who to trust and who not to? Heres a story that helped me clarify this question.

I had the pleasure of having a coaching relationship with Frank who is a popular person in his town and who holds a position of prominence. Most people like Frank and he enjoys spending time with people and as such there are many he calls friend. One day we were discussing the importance of mentors or anyone who could be counted on in times of need or doubt. I asked Frank, What criteria do you use to decide which of the people you trust the most? The obvious answer would have been his family and the people hes known the longest and built trust in over time. At least, thats what I thought Frank would say. Frank said something a little different though.

He said, The answer to that question is easy. Its not the people Ive known the longest, although they might quality but what are most important to me are the people who are willing to be the most honest with me. He went on to explain. Ive had friends Ive liked but who over time I could not trust. When I needed counsel or an opinion they would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear. While all of that may have sounded good they didnt realize the more they told me what they thought Id like; the less sincere they sounded. I simply couldnt count on them to be honest with me. I think most people in their heart of hearts trust others who are willing to tell them the truth. Wow, I thought. Then I began to look at the people in my own life and what Frank said rang very true. Ive had personal experience with this as well. Ive known people who were very kind and supportive which was great! However, these same people were unwilling or unable to be honest and my trust in them would decline.

This caused me to ask myself, Who do I trust most, the one who tries to cover things up (misery loves company type of person) or the one who is willing to tell me the truth; even if it makes me uncomfortable? Frank helped me make the distinction between somebody that made me feel good and somebody I trusted.

When you need counsel or help who do you trust most? Do you trust the person who is only interested telling you what you want to hear or the person who is willing to tell you the truth regardless of how you might react?

This is not a matter of who we like or dont like, its a matter of who we tend to believe and trust the most. I think Frank is right. We tend to believe those who are most willing to tell us the truth. It is the truth that allows us to see ourselves in a different light and remove the veil of self-deceit and it is through the light of truth that we grow. Isnt this the definition of friendship?