In love relationships, there is a set of steps guaranteed to inflame a disagreement and a set of steps to diffuse a disagreement. Here are some sure fire ways to diffuse a disagreement. 1. Give up the right to be right. 2. Remember that there are times in love relationships where you can be right or you can be happy, but not both. 3. Save the hostile debates for presidential elections. 4.Nine times out of ten, an argument grows out of some unmet emotional need. Identify the emotional need that is not getting met, and there is no longer a need for conflict and arguing. 5. Entertain the shattering possibility that the cause of the disagreement might be your fault. 6. Take you eyes off the content of what is being said and focus instead on the heart of what is being said. Focusing on the content of what is being said sets you up to be tempted to refute what the other person is saying. For example "Oh yeah, well what about that time seven years ago when I did come home early from work!?!" Focusing on the heart of what is being said allows you to take care of the emotions that are being expressed. Only after dealing with the heart is there any point in discussing the content. Listen to the heart. |
